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Showing posts from June, 2011

What Lyme Has Taught Me~ Lesson One

I've just started taking B12 shots again. The pharmacy was kind enough to give me longer and larger gauge needles than what I was using before. So I had to toughen up and just do it. I am a human pin but at least it is giving me some energy to keep up with my life. It does make me wonder how long I've been dealing with this deficiency. I have always felt to some degree that I just don't have the same get up and go like everyone else. I always thought it was a personality thing. I have no idea until my test results come back. This situation does remind me of how I felt when I first realized I was positive for Lyme Disease.
I was so mad that no doctor thought to test me for Lyme Disease or even give it a moments thought. For so long I was told you are faking it. I even had a nurse one time write on my medical records in the office that I was a hypochondriac and looking for attention. I scoped out the notes she left behind when she wasn't looking and my heart s…

Looking for the Pat on the Back

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My whole life I have looked for "the pat on the back". I wanted someone to tell me I was doing something right. I needed those words before I believed I was doing something wonderful, spectacular or amazing. I thought I needed someone's approval before moving ahead. The problem with this need, it kept me from moving forward because the whole time I was looking backwards, bumping into my past constantly. I don't know what it is about this Lyme journey, being a parent, or being in my thirties. This need of mine is shrinking, and I am being to realize I never needed anyone's approval. I only needed my own. I know some people call this confidence. I call it growing up. You gotta understand I've been sick for as long as I can remember. Since 8 years old or so I remember getting horrible nerve pain down my legs. I had was in and out of the hospital in my teens from asthma attacks. My health was a part of my feeling like I didn't belong. As an only…

Agony

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Agony in silence,
tears in dark places,
pieces of me on the ground,

Paths are twisted
around my feet,
fork in the road.

Lost without vision,
homeless,
shapeless.

Myths are broken,
raw truths
flopping on the ground.

Luke warm promises,
straining
my hands.

Bending the soul,
skeleton framed spirit,
heart still trying to beat.

Agony of body and mind,
escape,
release,
Now!