Saturday, December 11, 2010
I thought the word "fall" that I've been hearing from God is meant "fall" down, let go, surrender. Those things are good but fighting Lyme disease makes me falsely think I am constantly fighting alone and I can't stop fighting or I loose group. So those definitions never sat well with me. When I listened to the reasoning that the Hebrew word for Trust meant to run to, the first thing that came to mind is what soldiers do in battle, "FALL-BACK!" fall back to somewhere safe. So maybe all this time God hasn't been telling me to stop fighting or give up, but to "FALL-BACK!" into his strong tower. It reminds of the new Cutless song "my strong tower, my shelter over, you are all I see." When I think of God as a place to run to, I trust him even more. I feel like I am starting to understand what he was saying in the first place. I can do that, run to my place of safety. I have few place that are "safe" any more. I recently had a dentist tell me he wanted me to see another dentist because he didn't want to perform my cleaning then have me go home in pain and then not be able to help me. So he sent me packing. I was disappointed because he wasn't willing to learn. I did find a dentist who will help me but they are one hour and 1/2 away. Welcome to Lyme Disease, I am so sick of the controversy that surrounds it. In the middle of the this crazy internal battle, I do need a safe place. I am so tired of fighting this Lyme, some days it really wears me down to the point of almost feeling numb. I am ready for a break. I tease constantly that I am going to the funny farm to get away from it all. Maybe I should be running to God a lot more for that safety and rest.
Psalm 62: 5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My Perfect man accepts my ways,
Like the secrets on a page,
Looks me up and down,
Twists me all around.
My Perfect man sees right into my eyes,
The way my soul is beautifully wise,
Holds me close,
And breathes me in deeply.
My Perfect man slipped today,
My Perfect man fell off his throne.
What am I to do?
He's just a man.
Who falls all around me.
I tried to prop him up,
I tried to adjust his pose,
I tried to even change his clothes.
My Perfect man just sat on the floor,
Unmoved, unchanged, underwhelming,
What was I to do?
My Perfect man was not a super hero any longer,
Just a man,
With a good heart.
My Perfect man was just a shadow,
Of the real man I was looking for.