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Showing posts from February, 2018

Turtle Brain

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Here I am trying to type an email crying, realizing that at 40 I still struggle cognitively after 27 years of dealing with tick borne disease to just accomplish a simple task.  I admit I lack the training but it’s beyond that.  It’s as if my brain is mud.  And every word I try to retrieve sinks back into the abyss.  I hate not being able to sound like I have a college degree.  I have to type, erase, type, erase, over and over.  It’s so belittling, so depressing, so frustrating to have limited expression of so much turmoil.  To not know when my brain will work to unexpected blank stares and sighs because nothing “comes to mind”.  Some days I just want a moment of normal.  I have fought so long, so hard.  I think I deserve to have my brain work for once.  Why do I have to work 10 times harder then the next person just to complete a simple Facebook message?  Why can’t I just speak and share what I already know?   No one would want this.  It’s feel like I’m degrading myself without wanti…