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Showing posts from 2017

Gold

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How do you see yourself as complete, whole, worthy, if your body is always broken.  I read a quote recently that asked a simple but important question, "Who hurt you so badly that you started hating yourself?"  My mind kept churning those words over and over.  And I had a simple answer.  I've been physically sick since I was very young from allergies, to stomach pains, to high anxiety with depression, nerve pain in my legs, sinus headaches, migraines, high fevers, constant strep, ear infections, and foot pain.  Of course I hate myself, this body is a torture chamber.  Why would I like this?  I am recovering but to strip away the modes I've been in to survive for over 30 years will not happen in a day.  I have to give my younger self a voice.  I have to be kind and have patience.  Most of my self portraits are distorted figures, bent in odd directions, scarred, fractured and dark.  If the lens we see ourselves through is flawed for so long, its going to take as much t…

Remission

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I always thought when I started to find remission I would have my life back.  I hear other friends say I just want to get back to the way things were before I got sick.  Well I can't go back to when I was 8 years old when I first started having nerve pain and tummy troubles.  I have to start over from scratch.  I also kinda hoped the world would of stopped while I was fighting so that when I was done I could just lift the pause button.  Again that's not what happens.  So often we have myths that need to be busted about how we view chronic lyme/tick born disease.  I am realizing as I head towards full remission that we have several myths we believe about recovery.  I am feeling better but I am not fully recovered, 100% all done.  I might look great for 5 days then hit a wall of fatigue and pain.  This journey isn't done.  I do have quality of daily life back which is a miracle considering all my diagnoses, years I've been sick, and all the stress from trying to survive …
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"I'm not just working on healing my body.  I'm working on healing my confidence.  My belief in myself has been torn from me for so long.  And now it's slowly returning.  This is recovery...this is remission...this is my new frontier and I am meeting it head on."~Angele Rice    --6/4/2017--

Hold Fast

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Hold Fast
Stop telling me to hold on,  I've been doing it for days,  months, years, lifetimes
Stop saying it will be okay, It's not okay,  Pain, misery, agony  are never Okay
Stop telling me to look for my lesson, No lesson should be so harsh, My body is abusing me And I am done with it
Stop listening to me, Only to reply, I am not up for fixing,  guilting, constraining,  My body has already tried to put duct tape over my mouth.
Stop staring at me,  My pain is visible today My body made that choice not me, You do not see the full picture of my internal torture, Think iceburgs:  only a small portion is visible while the rest lays under the surface. And if you were pain would you take a shower, get dressed, put on makeup or fix you're hair? 
Hear Me, See Me, Touch Me,  with you're humanity, with care, with truth and humility.  Learn me, notice me, hold me My body is my prison. And today I'm not okay.  How I get through my pain is my choice. I already know tomorrow m…