Showing posts from June, 2012

Detoxing the Soul

After a year in remission with this illness, I now have to find a way to come to terms with being back on treatment.  I didn't realize until today how much anger and resentment I have towards this illness being back in my life.  After 4 years, I can handle the pill popping and the bad days that come with herxing and needing to detox my body.  I have found ways to make myself happy like photography and breaks from taking care of my young son.  But how do you really detox the soul from all the hurt, self blame, physical pain, outbursts of anger, out of this world rage that's not you, depression that just seems to take over, and anxiety that someone might see your body out of control.  I feel like I have already dealt with this disease for way to long.  Each day that I am back on treatment seems to make it that much harder to get myself out of bed and into life again.  I wish there was just a way for someone to breath life into me again.  Its like someone knock the hope right ou…


Holes in my shoes,
left from all my traveling,
Holes in my shirt,
from all the work I've done,
Holes in my socks,
from all the sweat I've shed,
Holes in my head,
from all my thinking,
Holes in my heart,
from all of my worry,
Holes in my soul,
from all the pain you put me through.

New Photos for Sale

I have new photos for sale in my Red Bubble store.  All funds created from this account will allow me to pay for my herbal medications to rid my body of Bartonella.  My new herbal medicines cost between 100-200$ per month out of pocket on top of my Naturopathic doctor visits every 6 weeks and he lives an hour a way.  In the end, it adds up when I am not able to work at all.  I want to make my own money and take care of my meds so this disease will not have such an impact on us financially.  I also want my financial independence back too.  Please help me stand on my own two feet.

My Own Peace of Mind

Love you keep breaking my heart,
Give me room to heal,
Let me fix in my own way,
Give me time to find some peace of mind.

Love you go on like that,
Sound like it will be okay,
Forgiveness you say,
You will show me the way,
Just for today let me find my own peace of mind.

Love you remind me,
You have come through before,
You don't remember the score,
You try to heal hearts in war,
Just for today let me find my own peace of mind.

Love you hurt,
Love you are ripping me apart,
Love you have broken my spirit and soul,
Just for today let me find my own peace of mind.

Love let me feel my pain a while,
let me sit with my demons,
surround me with Angels,
so when I am ready I can love him again.