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Showing posts from August, 2013

Getting Lost

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I went to the store today to grab some groceries.  I kept circling around the store because I couldn't remember where they kept the burrito wraps.  Now I've been in and out of this store for 5 years it's two minutes from my house.  But for the life of me I couldn't remember where half the items were on my list.  So I kept wondering around the store hoping I would remember where things were located reading signs over and over.  This is the perfect definition of what we lymies call Fog Brain.  It comes and goes when you least expect it and its like all of a sudden you are a dementia patient that has broken out of the home for a day.  You start to second guess everything you do because in the back of your mind you are worried you forgot something important and it's embarrassing to admit at any age you just have no recall of things you should know off the top of your head.  It can be beyond embarrassing somedays.  I've also said stupid weird things for no reason li…

Truth of Now

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I feel like I am waiting to wake and be fully alive instead some days I feel like I a drowning.  I start to make strides in my health but instead I watch other people's lives move forward while mine stays stuck between full time on the couch and well enough to lead a full life.  I hate this mediocrity, luke warm, half way living.  It's over rated.  I had all these dreams I wanted to fulfill instead I am watching them fade into the background.  I have never had a career outside being a mom and wife.  I want more but I feel like its just not possible.  I need new dreams at 35 but I am so sick and tired of fighting for just a few inches of ground.  The ups and downs of Lyme living seems to be unseen.  It's a silent suffering we lymies endure.  And it's so hard to explain to others outside of this Lyme green world the depth of pain, despair, set backs, disappointments we go through in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.  The amount of grieving I have gone through t…