Thursday, April 23, 2015
Its been a while since I've written a blog post. I guess its because I haven't known how to put into words what its like not being as sick anymore. I still have down days and flare days but I'm able to be apart of life at this point for about 3-4 days then I need to rest. Its like you have to change the way you view yourself all over again. I think I find myself in the middle of a rebirth and I just wasn't sure what to think of it. I don't see myself as a sick person or broken and I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. I guess I'm finding my stride as a parent, a wife, a daughter, a homeschooler, an advocate, as a photographer. I had an acupuncturist ask me once if I could take all the time I am putting into getting better and put it into anything else what would my life look like. I honestly had no answer to him. I couldn't imagine a day without pain or without feeling so horrid that my hope was drained out of me. I think now I could start to answer his question. I still the fatigue, nerve pain off and on, Celiac for life, skin problems and allergies. But I've found my ways of coping. And my husband and I and son we've found our own unique family groove where up keep of the house, groceries, etc. are tackled together. And if I'm toast they step up and help. My son is old enough for some basic chores and we've found our own groove with homeschooling. If you had asked me two years ago how I was doing I would be angry, screaming in my head, crying and upset and feeling so burnt out. Now I'm embarking on helping to setup a non-profit which blows my mind and I am embracing it. I see myself as an advocate and I am getting a chance to see myself in life and work on liking honestly what I see. It truly is a rebirth. Nothing is perfect and I still have days I want to hide from people and just be in a place that's quiet. My photography is my voice and get away.