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Showing posts from July, 2011

Aiming for Perfection

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I've been seeing my Naturopathic Doctor for a few years now and the last time I saw him we were talking about my current symptoms and what we wanted to work on next. I told him how fatigued I was so later during the visit he took my blood to test by B12 levels, candida and a few other things. I told I was fine with trying to get my health as close to normal as possible and I would take whatever I could get. He looked at me and said,"why not aim for perfection?" He kinda took me off guard. I never thought with Late Stage Lyme Disease there was a complete recovery. I always thought I would only achieve some normalcy but that was it. I would always be struggling with my health bottom line. I thought I had to be okay with that. I told him perfection would be nice, my heart and mind were not behind that conviction that I could be truly healthy again. I took this piece of wisdom with me and mulled over for days. Could I really get better? Is that possible? We did …

Stuck in Reverse

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I ran too quickly,
I fell too far forward,
I assumed the best too soon.

I took too many steps forward
And now its time to take them back.

I wanted you so badly,
I saw you for a moment,
And I started to hope again.

I took too many steps forward
And now its time to take them back.

You are the sand slipping between my fingers,
you are my fleeting memory,
You are my dashed hopes.

I took too many steps forward
And now its time to take them back.

I am left with emptiness,
I am left with a broken soul,
I am left with pieces of me.

I took too many steps forward
And now its time to take them back.

One day I will walk forward,
Pause,
And think of you,
And I will smile knowing one day I will see you again.
The magic is in the trying.

How do they do It?

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When I was first diagnosed with Lyme Disease and sitting on the couch everyday it seemed with a young child running circles around me, I started to ask myself how do other people with severe chronic conditions do it? How do they still live their lives? How do they have a life in the first place? I admire Stephen Hawkings, Michael J. Fox, etc. people who have chronic conditions that will never go away. I liked the title "Incurable Optimist" which is one of Mr. Fox's books. It made me think even more how on earth do you stay optimistic when you are vomiting all day long with a young child and no one to help.
Almost two years ago, I had one of my worst days ever with Lyme Disease. It was spring time when I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. I kept thinking if I just take my pills and eat a little bit. My stomach would settle down. Within an hour I was vomiting and I did not stop for a couple of hours. I ended up vomiting up to 10 times that day. I was shaking fro…