Showing posts from December, 2012

Loved Quotes

"Stop Chasing Ghosts, they have nothing left to give." Angele Rice

My words
I can only be me,
and that's all I will ever be,
I can only be me,
and that's all I will ever be

“When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”
― Edward Teller

“Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Bits and Pieces

A variety of my thoughts that I chose to write down and keep.

Burn your boxes
I don't fit in them

Burn your boxes
And watch the flames go to heaven
See the sparks you are creatin'

"You lost what you cannot hold."~Breathe

You told me I was looking for attention,
I was asking for your hands,
I was asking for your help.

You told me I was looking for too much,
I was asking for your arms,
To hold me.

You told me I was looking for someone else,
I was asking for your heart,
It beats like no one else.

You told me I was asking for too much,
I was only asking for your kindness,
I asked too much.
Vulnerability invites everyone to participate in the conversation.

Bartonella and Me

When I was diagnosed 4 years ago I never thought I would of been taken this journey, I thought just take the antibiotics and everything would be done and over with.  I also thought Lyme Disease was the illness that would never get better.  I am still in treatment for Bartonella a nasty bacterial infection ticks also carry.  It makes my hands, feet and face feel like they are red hot on fire for no reason.  I don't sleep well and I get cranky more than I would like from feeling so darn uncomfortable.  I have been off any heavy treatment for a while and now just using herbs to kill this stubborn Bartonella.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever truly "recover" fully from this Late Stage Lyme and Co-infection's.  I am fortunate that Lyme led me to my Celiac diagnosis and now after close to two years on it I have gained 15lbs and yes that's a really good thing.  I weighed 97lbs for a long time and barely had any strength to do anything.  I can now walk a few miles a we…

Moving, Going

Moving Forward,
Going Down,
Moving On,
Going Back,

Moving hurt,
Going to heal,
Moving pain,
Going to rest,

Moving Forward,
Going Down,
Moving On,
Going Back,

Moving through,
Going around,
Moving up,
Going deeper,

Moving Forward
Going Down,
Moving On,
Going Back,

Moving slowly,
Going fast,
Moving sideways,
Going towards,

Life is in constant motion, I am in constant motion, my health is in constant motion, the earth is in constant motion, moving, going, ever changing,

The only constant is Me

Make Pretend

Sometimes I just want to detach from all of my health issues and make pretend they don't exist for a while.  I just want a moment's escape until something rips me back down to reality.  I am trying right now to homeschool my 7 year old son, keep my house somewhat clean, and magically find a way to take care of myself too.  No matter how much I try to head off the fatigue right now it still finds me.  I took a nap yesterday and like someone tapped a switch by 5pm I could barely keep my eyes open.  I am wondering what is going on this time.  I need to go see my Naturopathic Doctor but still trying to get into a good schedual my son and I both can handle.  And my ND is over an hour away which puts a crimp in my plans to just go see him whenever.  My sons school work needs to get done.  So I think I will need to move some things around and get down there to see him.  Sometimes I'd rather not go to see my ND at all so I don't have to go through the solving problem loop agai…

Seeing the Blessings in the Darkness

For as long as I can remember I've been in pain.  Nerve pain, headaches, sinusitis, asthma, muscle pain, back pain, overwhelmed by light, not as strong as peers, and just not able to keep up.  I've always hated my body because of this and it has taken me a long time to accept myself the way I am.  I admit its not an easy road and I wish I didn't have to go through all those valley's.  Now I have somewhat of a pain tolerance and that works in my favor.  I've put the dishes away with a full blown migraine and son calling my name.  I have learned to adapt to this crazy unpredictable body.  Now loving the pain it causes me will never happen but realizing how much this illness has taught me is beyond valuable and has come in handy more than once.  I wrote a list when I first started this blog about 4 years ago.  So I decided it was time to update that list and remind myself of the blessings in my life and lessons I've learned.  I've come a long way and its good…