Make Pretend



Sometimes I just want to detach from all of my health issues and make pretend they don't exist for a while.  I just want a moment's escape until something rips me back down to reality.  I am trying right now to homeschool my 7 year old son, keep my house somewhat clean, and magically find a way to take care of myself too.  No matter how much I try to head off the fatigue right now it still finds me.  I took a nap yesterday and like someone tapped a switch by 5pm I could barely keep my eyes open.  I am wondering what is going on this time.  I need to go see my Naturopathic Doctor but still trying to get into a good schedual my son and I both can handle.  And my ND is over an hour away which puts a crimp in my plans to just go see him whenever.  My sons school work needs to get done.  So I think I will need to move some things around and get down there to see him.  Sometimes I'd rather not go to see my ND at all so I don't have to go through the solving problem loop again.  It always starts with how are you doing?  To a long list of symptoms.  Then its okay here are the blood tests we need to do, here is the list of things I want you to take, here is where you can order them, this is the cost.  Any questions?  Then its time to have a heart attack figuring out how I can pay for the new herbs etc. and pay my regular bills and still have gas in my car.  So no I'd rather not go through that whole loop right now.  I'd rather make pretend at this point.  I get it that ignorance isn't really bliss.  Its just a delay of the inevitable.   I am hoping that a simple tweak in my daily regimen like actually taking my supplements again might help.  I've been on strike for a couple of weeks and I think its catching up to me.  Time to get back on the horse and take care of myself.  I just know that the pills and I will need to be friends for a lifetime so not thrilled about taking them again. I wish I could curl up like my cat Bayer in the picture above and rest in sweet bliss with no cares in the world.  But this last week was bad and my headaches, body twitches came back so I realize the Bartonella is back too.  So I am going on the Byron Whites Abart to kill it.  I don't know how sick I will get before I get better but as I walk into this road I am grateful for the friends and family that are supporting me as I go.  I just wish sometimes this battle would end.  Its not easy being sick constantly all over again.  Just glad I'm not alone and I know I am not the first to feel this way.  So I am sure in the next few weeks you will hear me say how I hate being sick but my photo's, poetry and gratitude moments I will be rereading and reminding myself another break in the my health will come again in time.  I am holding on for dear life but this time I am ready for the battle ahead. 

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