Friday, November 9, 2012

Paradigm Shift

It wasn't until recently that I realized I've been sick or in pain since age 8. Now at age 35 I am slowly entering into a time of decent health. I keeping thinking should I be doing that? Am I doing too much? It's like my brain is stuck in a different time. I am not used to having a body that can keep up with my passions. I kinda like it but at the same time I don't want to leave my Lyme friends behind. They have been such a great support to me. I still detox quite a lot right now and have a little more Bartonella bugs to kill. Other than the occasional migraine or sleepless night my good days out way my bad now. I feel like I get a redo in my life. To really focus on what I want to do with myself other than homeschooling my son and running a house. I enjoy being an advocate, researching, connecting, grass roots, lady. Now that I look back over the past 4 years of treatment I see the path I've taken and I amazed how far I've come. I am excited to move in a different direction even though its kinda scary to leave the familiar. No one tells you that as you heal you go through even more emotions. Your mind goes through this paradigm shift from survivor by the skin of your teeth, to overcomer. I pray all my friends get to this place of health soon.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Leave me as I am

Leave me as I am
You never cared worth a damn,
You could never see me as I am,

I am never for pity back washes,
I am not for eyes rolling in your head,

Did you ever need me after all,
You seemed quite fine on your own.

I am right here pleading on the floor,
Do you really need me any more,

Don't ask me for you to stay,
Cause your leaving anyway,

I couldn't love you,
As a ghost,
Mirages fade away.

I'm on my knees begging you please,
Leave my broken pieces on the floor,,
Cause I don't need you any more.
No I won't ask you to stay seeings how
You are leavin anyways.
No I won't turn around to say good bye,
I am done chasing ghosts,
I deserve more.