Running away with myself


Why is it when things get tough we just decide to runaway. Whether its depression, chocolate, blasting some hard rock, music, photography or just day dreaming of a day without stress or problems. It doesn't solve a stinkin' thing but I still do it from time to time. I forget how many balls I'm really juggling. I need ME time too even though it seems I get lots of it in bed sleeping or sitting in a chair watching movies. Just for the record that doesn't fill the ME time requirement. I so need to go to a concert and sing until my vocal cords fall off, see a girl movie with a good friend, or just go by myself and take some fun photo shots all alone. I torture myself by taking care of everyone else. I am such a good mom and wife and I run myself into the ground before I get some ME time. Maybe I should learn from my mistakes and get over it already and get some much needed therapy. Chocolate is not enough anymore. I should runaway with myself and find MYSELF! I need some new direction, dreams, ambition, etc. I need to fill up again. I just feel so empty. I have lots that I want to do at the same time and no courage to get it done. Such a weird feeling. I don't like being in the gray area. Half healthy, half sick. Limbo! I wish it could just go in one direction or the other already. This girl needs to have some fun! I want one of those laughs where you don't admit you almost peed your pants. :) I want to really smile, not the fake ones for photographs. I want to enjoy the life I've been given even though it seems like a crazy mess, its not half bad. I don't want to be a pedestrian. I want to be on a bike riding into the sunset. I haven't been on one since forever ago. I miss the feeling. I want to help produce music, play with charcoals on an open canvas, go sailing, sing in front of people and actually sound good, join a rock band, travel the world, etc. Lots to do and a body that gets in the way. I get in my own way. Maybe I need to stop running away and just start being brave in my own life. I like that idea better.

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