Running away with myself
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Why is it when things get tough we just decide to runaway. Whether its depression, chocolate, blasting some hard rock, music, photography or just day dreaming of a day without stress or problems. It doesn't solve a stinkin' thing but I still do it from time to time. I forget how many balls I'm really juggling. I need ME time too even though it seems I get lots of it in bed sleeping or sitting in a chair watching movies. Just for the record that doesn't fill the ME time requirement. I so need to go to a concert and sing until my vocal cords fall off, see a girl movie with a good friend, or just go by myself and take some fun photo shots all alone. I torture myself by taking care of everyone else. I am such a good mom and wife and I run myself into the ground before I get some ME time. Maybe I should learn from my mistakes and get over it already and get some much needed therapy. Chocolate is not enough anymore. I should runaway with myself and find MYSELF! I need some new direction, dreams, ambition, etc. I need to fill up again. I just feel so empty. I have lots that I want to do at the same time and no courage to get it done. Such a weird feeling. I don't like being in the gray area. Half healthy, half sick. Limbo! I wish it could just go in one direction or the other already. This girl needs to have some fun! I want one of those laughs where you don't admit you almost peed your pants. :) I want to really smile, not the fake ones for photographs. I want to enjoy the life I've been given even though it seems like a crazy mess, its not half bad. I don't want to be a pedestrian. I want to be on a bike riding into the sunset. I haven't been on one since forever ago. I miss the feeling. I want to help produce music, play with charcoals on an open canvas, go sailing, sing in front of people and actually sound good, join a rock band, travel the world, etc. Lots to do and a body that gets in the way. I get in my own way. Maybe I need to stop running away and just start being brave in my own life. I like that idea better.
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