I just want a break
As a Lyme Disease Survivor you would think I would be used to disappointment, let downs, lost friendships, hurt, pain, but the sting of it never wears off each time it happens no matter how hard you try. It is very real each time. I honestly don't know how I can look at going back on treatment again thinking it would be a breeze. I realized oh too quick it was going to kick my ass all over again. I can lead a somewhat normal life. At least it "looks" normal, whatever that means. I feel horrible at night with the air hunger its like an asthma attack back to back. I have little relief from the feeling. So any housework or short walks make me feel out of breath like a brick is on my chest that never leaves and I still have to move on doing what I need to do despite it. It wears on a persons soul having to push through despite feeling physical useless some days. You know you have the muscles and the endurance but the feeling is over powering. I that feeling of loss. It scraps away at my hope. I just want to get off this treatment and give up. Pretend everything is okay and move on. I know I can't do that. This is the truth of Lyme Disease. The ugly truth.